Just what I needed today…

At the outset, first ex-wife decided that the kids would be better off financially with me, despite the fact she was young, eminently able to work and was taking substantial alimony relative to my gross income: A California divorce so read that to mean 50 percent and I was getting no child support.

Now, that’s just for background for my current story. Folks say that I raised a couple of kids to be among the finest men they’ve ever experienced. While I agree that my boys are remarkable, I’ve no idea what I did right, or for that matter wrong. Today, as through all of their 70+ years in the aggregate, we’ve been close, very close.

I’ve experienced some financial difficulties of late caused by an ex-client, as well as the economy and needed cash quickly. I asked them both for $500 each and they came through.

My older son is married with a daughter. His wife has never seemed to “like” me. I’m not certain why, however, my surmise is my sense of humor, frequently sarcastic, often “over the top,” but never meant to be personally insulting. It comes from my family, I suppose. We were a loving, close family, but our dining humor was filled with intellectual argument and sharp reparatee, especially from my father.

I hadn’t thought of consulting my son’s spouse on this transaction. It simply never occurred to me. Beyond that, it’s more than a bit embarrassing to be in this situation. It is her birthday today and I sent birthday greetings via email to her.

She responded with a cordial “thank you” and a severe chastisement of my actions noting clearly that she should have been consulted, what was the repayment schedule and so forth. Hell, I have no idea when I’ll pay it back. It never occurred to either my son or me. Moreover, notwithstanding joint funds, it seems this is a conversation she should have with her husband (my son), not me. To wit:

I would appreciate the courtesy of being included in discussions of monies lent as it pertains to our family’s financial well being and as it is only natural / fitting I be addressed in this request as XXX and I are a partnership. I am relieved we are able to loan you the money now. However, I feel it pertainent to know on what terms; i.e. when will you pay this back.  I understand XXXX and you have a relaxed nature in theses dealings which I respect however I was raised to be very upfront and specific in dealings with money. I hope you understand this is how we would like to proceed in the future.

This, in my view, is an issue between my son and I. This woman never knew how he was raised and his family. My father and mother would have been proud.

While she is my son’s wife, partner whatever one characterizes it, not everything in a marriage is open to discussion. If my son couldn’t have sent the dough, he would have told me.

What I suspect now is that there will be some sort of schism between my son and I. For that I am very sorry. But I understand he has his life to live and I mine. It is a pity.

The woman knows I’ve got severe problems at this point and it’s extraordinary that she would send such a note. As to my financial problems, I’ve been there before and pulled out, always.